Olin Parymo en' i'er Korma
by Rigga Mortis
Summary: A friend showed me the 'secret diaries' of the LotR cast. Some were good, others were scary. But no diary for the One Ring! So I wrote one. Rated PG because of language. Read and rate please!


Olin Parymo en' i' er Korma  
The Secret Diary of the One Ring  
  
Day One:  
  
So here I am, right, happy as can be on Saurry's finger. Then some jerk kills him! I mean, the nerve? We were having a great time; the party was just getting started. People flying all over the place, I was looking pretty, shining and sparkling and glowing.  
  
Then that JERK kills him! What do I do now? Live in a drawer?  
  
Day Five:  
  
Well, some guy named Isildur wears me now. I don't like him though, he killed Saurry. True, Saurry only made me to control the other rings, and he only used me when he wanted to rule the other people or something. I just liked looking pretty.  
  
That stupid idiot used me! I hate Saurry! And now this chump wants to use me too? I think not. I'll call out to some Orcs and kill them. Who's your daddy now, bitches?  
  
Day Six:  
  
I regret my decision to kill Isildur and his company. Orcs smell bad and I can't look pretty on their ugly fingers. So I decided to go for a swim, you know, there was water nearby.was rather pleasant until some wretch picked me up.  
  
Now he just croons over me, saying "Precious." a lot. My name isn't precious! My name is BOB! I am Bob the One Ring, not Precious the One Ring. Get it straight!  
  
Day Three-Million Five:  
  
Well, I am really bored. Was in that cave for the Elves know how long, dreary place. How can I sparkle correctly with no light? Finally, some other chap came along and got me from Gollum. The stupid "Precious" guy never got the point that my name is Bob, not precious.  
  
This Bilbo seems a bit out of his head, but hey, why complain. I'm not speaking to Saurry. Been with this new guy a few years now, sometimes the 'hobbit' will put me on, but most of the time I am in a pocket.  
  
I hate pockets.  
  
Day Three-Million Nine:  
  
Saurry's sent out Ringwraiths to come get me! Bilbo tossed me at his nephew, Frodo. The hobbit's pretty weird looking, and his companion Sam is frightening. There's two more short things with furry feet but I don't know them. Or care. Stupid Saurry.  
  
Frodo won't wear me. Can't look pretty. Gonna call for Ringwraiths to take me away. Don't wanna go to Saurry though. Stupid Saurry.  
  
Day Three-Million Eleven:  
  
Alright, Ringwraiths are incompetent. Frodo still won't wear me no matter how much I yell. At least his doesn't call me precious and smell.  
  
But he DOES keep me in his pocket. Stupid hobbit! I hate pockets! Bob really hates pockets!  
  
Day Three-Million Thirteen:  
  
I'm hurt. Saurry isn't even trying to get me back. Stupid Saurry. Now I'm REALLY not talking to him. I don't care. He'd just be all "Robert, let's take over the world" and "Robert, the elves are pissing me off again". Stupid Saurry.  
  
Day Three-Million Twenty-one:  
  
At party in Rivendell. Elves are pretty, but I can outshine them if stupid hobbit would put me on. Instead he got himself injured by the Ringwraiths and they STILL didn't manage to take me away! Blast.  
  
Legolas the Elf is scaring me, something about longhaired blonde males that are disturbing. Same thing to Elrond, get a hair cut, you nancy-bitches.  
  
Day Three-Million Twenty-five:  
  
Went into some Dwarf mines. Reminds me of Gollum. I tried to call some Orcs, but they didn't help at all. The Balrog didn't seem happy, and the wizard guy with the cool pointy-hat fell into the chasm.  
  
Everyone sad. I want to be pretty. Frodo has me on chain down shirt. Wishing he was a girl.  
  
Day Three Million Twenty-nine:  
  
Frodo won't let me look pretty, and the Elf lady Galadriel back in Lothlorien wouldn't wear me.  
  
Bitches.  
  
So I tried to call on this guy, Boromir, but he just got himself killed by Orcs. Damn. Damn damn damn damn! And stupid hobbit won't take me out of his shirt!  
  
Day Three-Million Thirty-two:  
  
We're away from everyone else. Just Frodo and the other fat Sam hobbit.  
  
Ugh. I think I'd live in that drawer about now. Stupid Saurry. 


End file.
